Wordless Thursday

it's just one of those days..
one of those days that I can't really put anything into words..so I'll put some pictures on here..and call it a wordless Thursday.

change.

Seems like everything happens all at the same time. All at once things change. You are almost left with no time to think or adjust, you jump right into the movement. Emotions are at a constant state of up and down. You feel like your emotions will never catch up to what reality is. Is there ever a time when things don't change, when nothing moves? Choices to constantly be thankful for the breath of life, sun rising, signifying that a new day has arrived. The sun setting signifying you have completed that day with everything you had...

hope.

It's been so long since I have wanted to even write..the last time I wrote was days after my dad passed away. It's been a little over four months..and as I sit here on Christmas Eve, I can't help but remember. For so long, I put off writing because it was something I loved to do and a characteristic I got after my dad..but the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was my inspiration to write. Today I went to the cemetery and stood before my dad's head stone, it was such a surreal feeling..so many emotions were running through me, I didn't know you could feel so much in a matter of minutes. Sorrow, pain, joy, thankfulness..each emotion I felt brought a memory. I will never forget who he was in my life. No matter how many days, hours, minutes and seconds go by without him...I miss him...love him..but know he is with Jesus, worshipping around His thrown.

Say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

-John Mayer.





Grief is like the ocean..sometimes the waves will crash at your ankles and you are still able to stand. Then there are moments where a huge wave comes and knocks you over, unable to stand.



a daughters perspective:

I have always loved to write, especially with my dad by my side..giving me insight and a new perspective, but this time, he wasn’t by my side. So I found myself at a loss for words staring at a blank screen for hours.. but I want to honor him and who he was in my life and all that he meant to me.

This is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to write. I had no idea how to write it, or even where to begin. The easiest way I found to do this was write a letter to him.

Dad,
First I just wanted to say that I love you and I miss you so much. You were an amazing dad, always wanting the best for me..always willing to do anything for me. You were the greatest example of God’s love..you exemplified it through everything that you did, from the way you worked, the way you loved our family, the way you served the church, the way you loved your friends. There was never a moment I doubted your love for me. Even in your final week, laying in that hospital bed, you told me over and over how much you loved me and how proud you were. I was inspired by your love for God and your passion to get the gospel out to those that needed to hear it. Dad you never once gave up, even though you couldn’t do all the things that once came so easy. You never let cancer defeat you...you allowed cancer to be used by Jesus. You taught me how to fish, plant flowers, camp, boogie board, you gave me a passion for music, writing, reading, and ministry. I know this last year and a half was anything but easy, but the day you were diagnosed with cancer you thanked God. Showing us that no matter what lies ahead we always press forward. So now, dad I stand here, proud to be your daughter, honored to stand here and share in your legacy. I miss you so much, but I know that you are dancing and singing in eternity. I love you daddy. All the memories will stay in my heart, and I will not forget all that you have told me. I am so glad that we were able to spend this last week together, laughing, crying, talking, worshiping, praying..
Daddy, you are the best.. Your example was to run the race and never give up.


love always,
analise joy.

boy.

In life, you always find yourself stumbling across the most amazing people. You wonder why couldn't I have met you earlier in life? Then, you realize everything in life has it's perfect timing. I found myself right there, meeting some of the most amazing people. The person you can just sit with and have a cup of coffee with, a cup of coffee and a meal later, you are still sitting there, completely wrapped in the conversation. It's like you are the best of friends and have known each other your whole life.








Trey Dillon: He is the boy that sits with you while you cry and feel like everything is falling apart. He will come and bring you food, tissue, medicine when you are sick..buy you a teddy bear after a car accident, take you to get ice cream even if it's 11:00 at night because he knows you have had a bad day. He is the one that will take you to see one of your favorite childhood movies, even if it's not his favorite. He will watch some of your favorite shows with you..he will hug you when you are feeling homesick or scared. He is the one that will just tell you everything is gonna be okay, when you feel like things are falling apart. He is the one that will walk with you when it is so hot outside, because he knows you love to walk. Wow, I guess I could really go on and on. Oh and he is the one that will sing to you, because it is one of your favorite things in the world. Needless to say, I love to sit and have a cup of coffee with him, eat, cry, watch movies..do everything with. I am crazy about him...and so blessed to have this amazing boy in my life. The end.

its been a while

I find myself always neglecting my blog. My time to just write and hide in a sea of letters and words. It's the only time that you don't really have to make sense if you don't want to, or feel pressured to be something. It's you and letters. Letters that form themselves into words, words with meaning. Meanings that turn into a sense of emotion or feeling, in turn those emotions and feelings turn into action. Before you know it, you are right back at the beginning. A sea of letters and words...it's a cycle that you can't always stop, or want to stop. It's a place that you can let your imagination run. Every single time I always want to write something, I am never even sure what to write. Pressuring myself to be creative and fancy, or write something that intrigues you to read more. So right now, I find myself at a crossroad. I am not really sure what path to take, because I'm scared the one I decide to take, well..it's gonna be the wrong one. I know that life is full of decisions and we can never really take the "wrong" one, but in my head, I just can't help but feel that way. Anyway, I hate the fact that when you begin to grow up, you are constantly faced with the crossroads. Eh, man I am not really a fan right now. It always comes at the time that I think that life is oh, so lovely. So, which one will I take? Still not sure, don't know if I will know before I even decide to take it. All I know, is that I have to chose something. The fear of failure takes over us so many times, it even begins to affect wanting to even make the decision of what path to take. Pretty soon, we don't even want to walk down one.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"which road do i take?" she asked.
"where do you want to go?" was his response.
"i don't know" she replied.
"then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter

I guess that sums everything up.

Lesson learning: each and every one of us has our own unique journey. I shouldn't be comparing my decisions or paths with someone else..I shouldn't be so fearful of the path I take. I know whichever one I chose God will meet me there...

Endless.

endless beauty

endless creativity

endless dreams

endless LOVE

Jesus you're beauty, dreams for me and love for me..amaze me..

away

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakesAnd run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction
'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Dear jesus,
Please help me love others the way you love them.
Give me your heart..
Help me remember that I am here to serve you and you alone, not people.
Thank you for this opportunity, even though at times, I want to give up..

memory lane?

favorite moments...

here.

Here I am
I place my hand in yours
Here I am
I place my heart with you
Here I am
I fix my eyes on you

Take me on this journey with you, hand in hand I walk with you.
Take me to the depths of your heart.

Life.

What is life? Is it the air we breathe? Is it the love that fills our hearts? Is it the moments you feel like your five, without a care in the world? Is it the days you just sit and listen? Is it the joy that fills the very depths of our soul? Is is a song we sing? Does it make your heart beat? Is it a picture, a dream? Is it a miracle, hope, pain? Is it contentment? Is life a story we read? Can we feel it? Can we hear it, does it move? What makes it go on? When is it good, when is it bad? When does it end, does it ever end? Where will it take us? What makes it worth living? What is this life to you? Where will you go in this life?

all i need is your love..

Dear Jesus..
Here I am.

a journey with Jesus.

passing through...

Falling right into place...

I find myself sometimes missing the times of sweet simplicity when I could just be in my mom's arms without a care in the world. Oh how those times have come and gone. Now here I am living in Texas, trying to wrap my mind around the whole concept of grocery shopping (pushing a cart) budgeting, paying bills, keeping a planner and a list of "to do's" so I won't forget what the day holds for me. Anyway this morning while I was working, trying to sort everything out, a song played on my computer..and my ears just happened to perk up on a certain part...it went something like this " somehow everything's gonna fall right into place, if we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday". I began to ponder these lyrics and came to the realization that this is where my life is at right now. Especially when it came to new responsibilities, a new "job" and a new home.. somehow everything was going to fall right into place. Although there have been so many moments when I feel like everything is going the wrong direction or not the way it's supposed to be, I know that actually it is right where it's supposed to be. Needless to say, current lesson that I am learning in my life right now is how to just let things fall into place and let God handle everything (easier said then done, that's for sure). So sometimes simplicty is great, but as I go through life and face different things, I realize that I wouldn't fully appreciate the things I have now, or even be where I am in life.

Application:
Let things fall into place...don't try and put the pieces together on your own.
Always be willing to let God put it all together...
Growing up and pushing shopping carts, isn't always as bad as it seems....

The beauty unknown....

The beauty and suspense of the unknown. In the end we find ourselves wanting more..so we reach into the darkness and pass through the open door. Through the open door we walk through so blind, but something inside us yearns, keeps us wanting more. The beauty that awaits us, to open up our eyes. What will the beauty unveil? Will we find ourselves reaching again? Will another door await? Will it open our hearts? Will the beauty in our hearts be awakened? Will we risk this? Will we reach into the darkness?

dirty and left out..

As I sit here and contemplate where to even begin, a song begins to play in the background. I am reminded of how much I just don't even deserve Christ's love and grace but yet, He loves me, over and over, with every single failure and mistake. Never once has His love for me changed and He has never left my side. I have left His side so many times, and and thought life was all about me and what I could do for me. 6 months ago I thought that everything in my world had been turned upside down, but little did I know not only would my life turn upside down, my life would completely change. My journey began June 29,2008 when I moved to Tyler, Texas to attend a Discipleship Training School. I had no idea what God would do in my life and to be honest I was extremely scared...first of all leaving home, and all the comforts of home was already stepping out of my box, then throw in moving to another state for 5 months. A million questions ran through my head, was this really what I was called to do? Uh God, are you sure about this? Texas? Cowboys? What in the world? Some nights I would even think about not going at all but something would always draw me back to that place of peace and once again surrendering myself to God and His plan for me. Moving to Texas has been one of the most challenging yet rewarding things that has ever happened to me. To be completely honest there were times that I wanted to just pack my bags and take the easy way out. Well Texas was the place that God wanted me to be, and obviously I stayed the whole 5 months. I am so thankful that I stayed, I learned so much just about myself, and how to just have a personal and intimate relationship with Him. It wasn't DTS that necessarily changed me, but taking the challenge that God had for me and obeying...so many lessons were learned..so much uprooting and growth took place while being there, and a solid foundation that cannot be broken was built.

Application:

Sometimes God is gonna call us to do "crazy" uncomfortable things..(like calling you to Texas)but that is when He will meet us, show us His power. If we only did things that we liked and were comfortable in, we would never grow and learn. Never be afraid to allow God to use us, no matter what it takes.

Jesus, Jesus, There's something about your name Master, savior, Jesus I've been dirtier than you wanna know I've left earlier than you'll ever know